


Shoplifters of the World Unite (Songfic)

by cilliance



Series: Scriddler Songfic Collection [4]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Origin Story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 21:14:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17732792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cilliance/pseuds/cilliance
Summary: “Learn to love meAssemble the waysNow, today, tomorrow and alwaysMy only weakness is a listed crimeMy only weakness is... well, never mind, never mindA heartless hand on my shoulderA push - and it's overAlabaster crashes down(Six months is a long time)Tried living in the real world instead of a shellBut before I began… I was bored before I even began”





	Shoplifters of the World Unite (Songfic)

**Author's Note:**

> One of my favorite versions of Riddler (if not my most favorite) is the Arkham Knight Riddler, but I still wanted to write something akin to the Batman: TAS episode "If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?"  
> If you don't know it, it's similar to what I've written here, but instead of a toy developer, Edward is a video game developer.  
> The Smiths are my favorite band, and the lyrics for this song reminded me of Edward, I guess. I envisioned Edward as being a brilliant (but bored) young man. He goes around doin' things he shouldn't for kicks, gets caught, faces the consequences, and then makes his life's purpose to destroy Batman.

“I’m sorry, but I’m afraid we’re going to have to let you go.”

Edward blinked for a moment, for once speechless. He couldn’t think of a single thing he’d done (or hadn’t done, for that matter) to warrant him being fired.

“I… I don’t understand! What have I done?” he asked. He leaned closer to the desk, hands raised questioningly.

Edward’s boss nervously tapped his fingers. “Well… you just… really haven’t been proposing any ideas that our company has found success in during market testing, and--”

“ _What are you talking about!?”_ Edward interrupted, “Two of my prototypes were accepted in the last _week_ and are already in the product development stage! More of my ideas have gone on to manufacturing than anyone else in this company!”

“You make challenging puzzles and games, Edward. It’s true, but you must remember that these products are for _children._ The CEO of our company himself has tried out your puzzles and was unable to solve them! Children aren’t going to want our products if they are too hard to solve!”

“If they were so hard, why did you bother developing them in the first place!? You could have halted the process at my prototypes!” Edward argued. None of this made any sense.

His boss switched from a nervous demeanor to a more aggressive one. He stood above Edward and slammed a hand onto the desk. “It _does not matter_ , Mr. Nygma! The higher-ups have decided that you’ve got to go, so you’ve got to go! Perhaps it was foolish to hire such a young man as yourself, anyway.” His boss seemed to add as an afterthought. He rubbed a hand against his forehead and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Conversation seemingly over, Edward stood and walked out without another word. He grabbed a box from his supply closet and angrily began packing up the things at his desk. His coworkers watched him with curiosity. Edward had genuinely liked his job at the toy company, but now that he thought about it, he had always been frustrated with the complete stupidity of his coworkers and boss. He was the youngest of all of them, but he had the intelligence and qualifications to be doing much bigger things. Much more important things! He didn’t need them, _they_ needed _him_!

Walking with purpose out of the office building’s doors, Edward threw the box into the passenger seat of his car. _I have better things to do with my time,_ he thought spitefully, and angrily drove off.

_____________________________

 

Two months later, Edward was walking down the street when something in one of the shop windows caught his eye. He stopped in his tracks and turned back to get a better look at it. What he saw behind the glass nearly made him blow a blood vessel. Fuming, Edward threw open the door to the shop, grabbed the object in the window display, and went up to the cashier counter.

He waved it in the employee’s face. “DO YOU KNOW WHO MADE THIS!?” He yelled, “I DID! THIS WAS MY IDEA. THE COMPANY THAT FIRED ME STOLE IT!”

He was furious. _Beyond_ furious. Edward was feeling _murderous._ His lying weasel of a boss… he’d fired him, then turned around and produced the toy that _he’d designed_ just before he was “let go.” Edward was getting none of the money, and none of the credit.

The employee just looked at him with a passive expression. “You did, huh?” they asked, not even pretending to care.

“My boss fired me because the others were jealous that my product designs were better than theirs,” Edward snapped. “I was the smartest person on that whole damn team, and my boss is living in luxury while I have to live in some small Chinatown apartment--”

“Oh, yeah?” The cashier entertained, “If you’re so smart, why aren’t you rich?”

“What are you saying?” Edward seethed. He was pretty sure he was being insulted.

“If you’re so smart… why were you wasting your time at a _toy company_ when you literally could have been doing anything else?” they pointed out.

Not gracing the young cashier with a response, Edward stormed out of the small store with the puzzle in hand. “Hey, wait! You can’t take that! You have to pay first!” he heard the employee yell out behind him. They didn’t seem to bother following him, though, as Edward continued to walk away, silently fuming all the way to his old workplace. Edward completely ignored the secretary who asked him to wait outside and stormed into his ex-boss’s office. He paid no mind to the fact that he was interrupting a meeting as he walked directly up to his boss and held the puzzle inches from his face.

“What the hell is this?” Edward seethed.

“Wah--well, that’s one of our newest puzzles!” His old boss stuttered. He brought his hands up defensively and looked over to the other men in the room. “It’s a surprise to see you--”

“This looked like a crime to me,” Edward interrupted, “Considering you _stole it._ ”

The man continued to try to keep up appearances in front of his guests. “What? Now, Mr. Nygma, our company prides itself on originality and--”

Edward cut him off once more. “Oh, no, this puzzle _is_ original. You’re right. I should know because I’m the one who designed it. It’s just interesting because you only seemed to like the idea _after I was fired._ ”

His boss put his hands back down. “Mr. Nygma, you know full well that legally, all ideas generated by employees automatically belong to the company and _continue_ to belong to the company even after termination…”

Not wanting to hear any more of it, Edward threw the puzzle onto the ground and walked back out the office doors as though nothing had happened. Deep down, he knew that the company had the legal right to do what they did, but Edward was furious, and he was going to make them pay. He’d show them that they were wrong to fire him. He’d been the best employee they’d ever had, after all!

_____________________________

 

His plan had been perfect. How had it gone wrong?

Edward had constructed a maze that resembled a much larger version of his ripped-off puzzle. He’d then kidnapped his old boss and placed him in the center. If the man had wanted the puzzle so much, he could have it, he could be a _part_ of it.

Craving the recognition and credit that he deserved, Edward had hoped to gain the attention of Gotham’s most famous hero, Batman. And he had. All according to plan, Batman and his sidekick had shown up to solve his puzzle. The problem was that Edward had not foreseen their ability to… solve it.

And now there he was, in handcuffs in the back of the Batmobile. This was not how he foresaw his night going. “It’s over, Nygma,” was on repeat in his mind after Batman grabbed him by the shoulder and slapped the cuffs onto his wrists.

At the police station and in the interrogation room, they took down his important information, then asked him a surprising question.

“...Why did you do it, Mr. Nygma?” the officer asked.

Edward started. “Why? He screwed me over! Was that not obvious?” he asked rhetorically.

The cop answered, anyway. “Well, yes. But, why make a maze? Why grab Batman’s attention? Why go through all that trouble? If you wanted justice so badly, you coulda just called a lawyer.”

“Huh,” said Edward. Perhaps they could be right, astonishingly. “I suppose I was just… bored. It’s awfully dull being surrounded by those with IQs far lower than your own--”

“Uh huh,” the cop said mindlessly as they wrote down his answers. The cop stood up. “Well, you’re gettin’ sent to Blackgate, Mr. Nygma. I hope it was worth it.”

_____________________________

 

Behind his cell walls at Blackgate, Edward was constantly scheming. Constantly scratching equations and riddles and drawings of future projects into the stone. Six months he’d been in here. He was itching to get out, and he’d find a way soon. There was still so much to be done.

See, Edward no longer cared about some stupid toy he wasn’t getting the money to. He had found a new purpose in his life, and that new purpose was to defeat Batman once and for all.

He would do anything to prevent himself from being bored.

 

Anything at all.


End file.
